Yesterday I returned from Silver Bay, MN, my home-town, where I was helping my Mom get back her strength after two separate hospital stays and a bronchial infection that just won't let go.
For the past years I have gone to Mom's a day here and a day there, usually accompanied by my husband. Our times were generally filled with visits from numerous assorted relatives, my Mom scurrying around feeding us and waiting on us hand and foot, as is her style. This time was different. I found my Mom still struggling to breathe, eyes sunken and face drawn. It was startling! She admitted she had really felt like she was not going to make it. My Mom is only 76, young by my standards, and has always been active and adventurous. Certainly not close to leaving this earth!
I stayed with Mom for five days. Most of the time it was just the two of us. We had great talks, talks about feelings and dreams. We laughed. I wanted to help her recover. I fed her healthy food. I wanted to care for her home and do her laundry. In past tho, Mom would have none of it. I finally put myself in her shoes and had one of those ah-ha moments. My Mom never wants to put anyone out with her needs. I had to assure her that my goal was to serve her needs so all her energy could go toward healing. I tried to ask her questions to find out how I could best serve her in a way that she would not be offended.
I think in the past I was busy trying to show her that I COULD do it, that I knew just as much (or more) as her, that I was a very capable adult, separate from her, my own person. What I came to realize is how much she and I are alike. I tried to think of how I would feel if someone had to come and care for me. Once I started thinking like that, I was able to ask her questions about her needs. Why should I assume she wants her laundry done just like I do it. Just because I clean my house a certain way, doesn't mean that is what she wants. I put aside my ego so I really COULD serve my Mom's needs. I am certain what I have written will not make sense to some and may seem like a corny post to others.
We had a wonderful time together. I opened up my heart and my mind to my Mom and our relationship was taken to a new level. It's actually a hard emotion to put into words. I always loved my Mom, but after the last five days, I LOVE my Mom and treasure the person she is like I haven't done since I was a child and needed her for my very existence. I ask God for her healing and protection so me, my sisters, relatives and friends enjoy more time with this wonderful lady.
Labels: family, Mom, personal treasures
